Montessori Tips
April 1, 2025
Parenting isn’t easy. Some days feel like a constant negotiation with tiny humans who haven’t mastered the art of reason but have perfected the skill of making you question your every decision. If this sounds familiar, you’ve probably found yourself wondering if there’s a better way than constantly saying “no” or giving in just to keep the peace. If you’ve done any research on parenting styles, you’ve probably heard of permissive and gentle parenting. They seem similar on the surface because both focus on warmth and connection with your child. However, there are some key differences that impact your child’s development.
Understanding these differences can help you find a balanced approach that fosters independence, respect, and confidence in your child.
Permissive parenting shows up with high levels of warmth, low expectations, and few (if any) boundaries. With this style, it’s common for parents to avoid setting limits for their kids in an attempt to keep frustration or conflicts at bay. The child usually gets to make most of the decisions, even when it might not be appropriate for their life stage.
The love in this approach is beautiful. Who doesn’t want their kids to feel adored? The challenge comes when these children encounter environments that don’t bend to accommodate their preferences.
For example: A kindergartener with permissive parenting might struggle with the concept that sometimes we all have to line up, even when we don’t feel like it.
Gentle parenting keeps the foundation of connection while adding something crucial: consistent boundaries. It’s the difference between “Sure, stay up as late as you want” and “I understand you’re not tired yet, but bedtime is 8:00 because your body needs rest to grow.”
Children raised with gentle parenting feel heard and valued while also developing self-discipline, problem-solving skills, and a sense of responsibility.
The playground scenario is one every parent knows. Your kid is having the time of their life while you’re mentally calculating how late dinner will be if you don’t leave NOW.
With a permissive approach you might find yourself still pushing the swing 45 minutes after you intended to leave because your child dissolves into tears at the mention of going home.
Using gentle parenting, you’d give a genuine warning – “Five more minutes, then we need to head home” – and follow through despite protests. You’d acknowledge the disappointment – “I see you’re having so much fun and wish we could stay” – while maintaining the boundary – “It’s time to go now. We can talk about coming back another day on our way home.”
A permissive parent might dash around the kitchen whipping up alternatives when their child rejects what’s served, wanting to ensure their child doesn’t go hungry.
A gentle parent might involve kids in meal planning and offer choices within reasons (“Do you want carrots or cucumbers?”). If the child refuses to eat, the child’s choice is respected and boundaries are held: “You don’t have to eat it if you don’t want to, but this is tonight’s meal.” This allows natural consequences to guide learning.
Montessori education naturally supports the principles of gentle parenting. Here’s how:
1. Respect for the Child
In Montessori, children are seen as capable individuals deserving of respect. This aligns with gentle parenting, which emphasizes listening to and acknowledging children’s thoughts and feelings rather than dismissing them.
2. Clear Expectations and Boundaries
Montessori environments provide clear, consistent expectations. Children are given the freedom to make choices within limits that support their development. This structure helps children build confidence and self-regulation, a key aspect of gentle parenting.
3. Natural Consequences and Problem-Solving
Rather than using punishments or rewards, Montessori allows children to experience natural consequences. For example, if a child spills water, they are encouraged to clean it up. This approach helps children develop responsibility and problem-solving skills without shame or fear.
4. Independence and Self-Discipline
Montessori fosters independence by providing child-sized tools and allowing children to take part in daily activities like preparing food, cleaning, and organizing their space. This empowerment aligns with gentle parenting’s focus on guiding rather than controlling children.
While it’s natural to want to be warm and responsive to your child’s needs, it’s also important to provide the structure they need to thrive. Montessori education and gentle parenting work together beautifully to create an environment where children feel safe, respected, and empowered to learn and grow. By setting clear expectations while offering support and connection, you can raise a confident, independent, and emotionally resilient child.
